Comedy Skit: Compliments
Here's a comedy skit I wrote. The ending goes bonkers, but I'll never re-write becasue I'm so lazy. If it doesn't make sense, it's a reference to Dick Emery, a phenomenon I couldn't possibly begin to explain. Not here. Not now. Anyway, here we go...
A communal kitchen in an open plan office. it's morning. A man is making a cup of coffee. A woman approaches.
Oh hi! How are you?
I'm good, I'm good. You look... oh... now... before I say this I'd like to make it clear that I think you look utterly fabulous everyday. There's never a day where I've thought, 'what does Sarah look like today!? She hasn't made the effort today. What's wrong with her hair. What is she wearing!?' - that *never* happens, I've never thought that. Also, I'd like to make it clear at this point that this is not in any way, shape or form, a chat-up line or a come-on. I'm aware that you're in a committed and satisfying - satisfactory! a satisfactory relationship.
Me too! Very happy with my girlfriend. Also, these are my personal views, they do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer. Terms and conditions apply.
Always read the small print.
You look nice today.
Oh, why thank you! That's very sweet of you.
Phew! So difficult to pay a woman a compliment. It's a minefield!
That's rubbish. It's just as difficult to pay a man a compliment.
Compliments!? Tsk! Men don't *need* compliments...
Of course they do. Here comes Jeff, go on, pay him a compliment.
Oh, come on...
Hi Jeff, that's a very dapper shirt.
Oh thanks Sarah, it's new.
TIM AND SARAH EXCHANGE A LOOK, SHE NODS ENCOURAGINGINGLY, MOUTHING "SEE?"
Hey, Jeff. You look... oh... before I say this, I need to make it clear that I am an hetero-sexual man, in a relationship WITH A WOMAN - and that I'm aware you're also in a relationship WITH A WOMAN, and that I've never looked at you, Jeff, and thought 'I wonder if he's gay, he might be gay' that's not what I think. I'M NOT GAY, definitely... I mean, sometimes I look at Premiership footballers, when they're in full flight, Cristiano Ronaldo haring down the wing, Beckham taking a free-kick, a towering header from John Terry - and I feel, ummm, a 'stirring' y'know? a feeling deep inside me of ... but I think that's merely an appreciation of athletic prowess and physical strength...
Tim, what are you going on about?
Oh, er, yeah. sorry. I just wanted to say.... Jeff, you're looking buff, have you been working out?
TIM REACHES FORWARD AND FEELS JEFF'S BICEP.
JEFF LOOKS DOWN AT TIM'S HAND, THEN BACK INTO TIM'S EYES
Ooh, honk tonks! Chase me!
TIM FLOUNCILY RUNS OFF.
5:35p.m., 3 SepThe new Global Radio App for iPhone and iPad was released a little over two weeks ago (20 August) and ...
1:17p.m., 2 Dec... or "What I What I Learned from the Exercise In Futility, Part 2". (This follows on from my earlier ...
10:19p.m., 30 Nov...or "What I What I Learned From An Exercise In Futility, Part 1" - how to enforce the 'new' keyword ...
5:47p.m., 28 NovEmma loves The Muppets. She even has her own Muppet who we call Emma Too and who was born at ...